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Mars vs Venus

Mars vs Venus

Here we are, at the destination of this miniseries.  I started this three part series with validation, and then went on to social roles, and now we are here, Mars vs Venus. Yes, even Usher has a song named this, but this saying is in a different context.  This is in the context of the social relationship of men and women.

First let me remind you that this is all about validation.  So let’s just dive right into the underlying cause (and effect).  I will just have to say this bluntly, and before you get offended just hear me out.  The cause of this issue is women in the workforce.  I know, I know your thought is sexiest, or chauvinist, but just hear me out, and read on before you come to that conclusion.  A woman in the workplace (in this manner) is relatively new to our society.  Women in the workplace changed the dynamic of the social interaction between men and women.

In the workplace we often compete with each other.  We compete with our colleagues; we compete for promotions, for pay raises, and for performance reviews.  Sometimes we compete in not the friendliest way that can equal backstabbing (that’s for the ones with no integrity).  That’s right, admit it or not, but we do.  With that being said, we work or dedicate 40-60 hours a week to work (work being the majority slice of the weekly pie).  With that many hours dedicated to work, one cannot flip a switch from our work personality.  If you think so, just ask the spouse of a law enforcement officer.  This equates to women and men in the workforce competing.  Yep, you got it right, this carries over into the personal life.

So you may be asking, “What does this have to do with anything?”  I say, “Everything.”  When you first look at someone as competition, you often tend to devalue them for the fact that you want to eliminate them - not validate them.  Now before we go too far, this works on a two way street.  Men and women are equally guilty in this equation, and this is a serious underlying issue.

Men and women are no longer looking at each other as a majority, but they see each other as some form of competition.  You see some real erratic behaviors.  In my opinion, erratic behaviors tend to come from the male side, but not falling any kind of short on the female side.  We often see the over prideful male that feels he needs to physically challenge other males to validate his “so called” masculinity - his validation of a man.  Check out my podcast, we’ll discuss masculinity in more detail.  Then you will see the extreme opposite, the guy we call metro!  All I can say about this is “Really? Metro? Really?!”  Need I say more?  Like I said women don’t fall short of this either.  Women publically, and physically challenge men.  I don’t mean self-defending, total different story in which I stand for, but I am talking about women on the physical offensive against men. Yes like men, women have their extreme opposite like dressing flamboyantly sexual for validation.  I think we all know what I am talking about with these examples, if not just take a stroll through your local downtown or social venues on a prime night of the week!

Now that we kind of understand how this has affected us a society as a whole, let’s take something that works in the opposite way - children.   What I mean by children, is having children.  Most people that have children say that once they had children they kind of found purpose, and found their place.  Besides the fact of responsibility beyond one’s self have you really wondered why? Well I have come to the conclusion that it is all about validation of the social role.  Children naturally do this with no prejudice unless they have been taught differently, and that’s a completely different situation.  Children naturally think their fathers are the strongest person in the world, and that they can physically do anything.  Children basically look at their fathers like they are superheroes. Yep, this is instant validation of being a man.  Children always look at their mom like she is the most beautiful, caring person in the world. Yep, you got it right that is instant validation for her too.

While I let all this sink in, I want to say this is not a case by case thing, this is a society in the majority type of issue. This is a cause and effect that we as a society was never ready for, but it is here and we have to figure this out.  Yes, you might be nae saying this entire blog, or you might be asking what is my resolution…remove women from the workforce?  To that I would say absolutely not. That one is not ethical, and to be honest I can’t stand a chauvinist. What I think the fix to this is validating each other, what we call this in the military is customs and courtesies.  Meaning you talk to a woman like a woman,  and a man like a man. You address them as such with respect. On the flip side we have to stop being so sensitive and contradicting with how we need to be addressed.  If you’re a woman you’re a woman, if you’re a man you’re a man, and you will be addressed as such with the utmost respect on both sides (by addressing a lady as ma’am, or a man as sir). This just equals validation.  For the people that feel threatened about being addressed in such a way, I would suggest you take a long long look in the mirror maybe even have a conversation with that other person you envision yourself as. 

I know that there will a lot to talk about with this one, and like I always say, I am open to and encourage discussions. Please give me your point of view on this one. I am all ears and I can take the constructive criticism so let me hear it.

Once again I always want to thank you and show appreciation of your attention on these topics.