Now that we understand validation from part one, and I have not heard many objections yet. We move on to part two of this three part series, but remember this all goes back to validation.
Part two has to do with the social part of us as human beings. How we are practically serial pack animals. Why do I say serial pack? I say this because we belong to multiple packs/groups. In each of these packs or groups, we have a different role, a position so to say. Yes, animals usually figure this out in a physical way like establishing dominance, but best to believe we still figure it out in a more humane way, usually. Just think about your main group of friends. I bet there is a funny one, a protector/fighter one, an attractive one, and so on and so forth. And you’re right, one person can have multiple roles in a group. These positions validate the members of the group and their belonging. Keep in mind each group is its own social world. I know right now you are pretty doubtful of what I am saying, but when I mentioned those roles I bet you have a name and face to go with each one, but if you are still doubtful let me give you some examples of how this works.
Have you ever had a new person introduced to your group of friends to hangout for the night? Did this person’s character fit the role of one of the characteristics of someone already in the group? Of course they did, unless they were super shy because they were trying to find their position in the group without confrontation. So let’s say they are the funny type, and you already have that character in the group. Yep that’s right - watch how those two interact together. It will be a comedy show for sure, jokes for days, but what’s really going on is they are jockeying for position in the group. “Hey! This group only has room for one funny guy!” People can be supplemental if one of those personalities isn’t present. So after the jockeying is done, it’s figured out who is the funnier of the two, but if on a different night the funnier of the two isn’t there, guess what happens. Yep that’s right, the group supplements that role to the second funny character. This is why two people with the same personalities don’t usually get along. They are a threat to each other’s acceptance/role in the group – hence, validation.
Another example of this is relationships. Usually this is new relationships, but nevertheless, we have all witnessed or been a part of this one. The person you are dating is the best thing since sliced bread, until they get around their friends. Yep total turd, well actually what you are witnessing is two different roles in two different worlds coming together. No, never happened to you? How about this one, you tell your friend “man you’re a different person around you boyfriend/girlfriend, not cool. I don’t like him/her?” You’ve said this before, and there you have witnessed this clashing of roles go down.
I know, I know, you are going to say, “Nope I am the same person no matter what”…but guess what? I call bullshit all day! Because why?...this all goes back to validation. Yep I know you want to say something…go ahead, and if you don’t then you will for sure on part three, but you will have to wait until next week for that blog.
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